Sleepless nights and how to press on...

I didn’t sleep well last night. Or the night before, really.

Our family has been under some intense emotional strain for… well, for some time now. The details are not unimportant, but they are private. The thing about emotional strain? It takes a physical toll. The other thing about emotional strain? At least in this case, it seems very clear that there’s a pitched spiritual battle going on. Until last summer, I let myself be tossed in the waves of this hideous storm. And it pummeled me.

There were so many things. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was puffy and swollen and in pain. My stress hormones were crazy out of control. And I couldn’t work. The demons told me regularly that I couldn’t show up and share God—that that would be disingenuous when really, I was sad and tired and anxious. I wasn’t happy. People who have God are happy. Or at least that’s what the demons said.

But one day in October, after Covid and before I smashed my head on concrete, I decided that as far as I am able—as much of this trial that is under my control—I was going to claim it all for Christ. Further, I was going to suffer well (and that means I was going to try, not that I think I have that mastered). I was determined to begin in my body, to stake a claim, to make it clear that the devil was no longer welcome to influence the choices I made regarding my health.

I have some formidable body “challenges.” I was born without an ear. There are some jaw anomalies that go with that that create issues. I had cancer when I was 24. That means I have lived it with the effects of chemotherapy and radiation longer than without them. And I’m allergic to some things that most people can’t imagine going without (milk, eggs, wheat). Those are the facts. I can’t really change them. But I can still claim that my body is good. It’s not perfect. But it’s pretty darn amazing. The things we’ve survived together are impressive. Last fall, I decided to start treating my body like the hero that it is. All the particulars are the stuff of future posts, I’m sure. For now, just know that we’re getting along better than we ever have—my body and me.

For Lent this year, I told the Lord that I wouldn’t let the demons keep me from showing up. I promised to do an Instagram Live four times a week, to share the gospel. To smile and give evidence to the fact that all Christians aren’t happy, but we do have joy. I made commitments to the Take Up and Read community to be there for them, even more than during Ordinary Time. I said it out loud. I never share my Lenten resolutions, but this time I did. I wanted to be held accountable.

And it was if the devil said, “Game on!”

So here we are after a sleepless night. I have a hip injury that is —there is no other word— excruciating. And I can’t sleep because it hurts. Before I get out of bed in the morning, no matter how early, I pray this prayer. It’s a commitment:-). It takes about ten minutes. I’ve edited it a bit for my particular use, but mostly, I pray it just as Immaculee suggests.

Then, I focus on claiming the day for Christ and not letting the sleepless night cast darkness over the morning. I lean heavily on routines to carry me.

First, I drink about sixteen ounces of water. This is especially important when I’m tired. Dehydration makes us fatigued, and often we’re not even aware of how dehydrated we are. Starting with water first thing and consciously drinking throughout the day helps fend off fatigue.

I wash my face. This is my cue to my countenance that the day has begun. I’m trying to be more aware of the emotion my face carries. It’s not that I want to plaster a smile on when really I’m sad. It’s just that if I am conscious to relax my forehead and let go of the worry around my eyes, it has a top-down effect on the rest of me. So, on really tired days, I don’t skip washing my face. Then, I put on All Bright C Serum and I follow it with Brightening Facial Oil. I have no idea if either of these things helps hide how tired I am. But they smell like spring sunshine and they make my face feel better. And they are one of the cues that my body reads as “Be gentle. Take care.”

I let the dogs out, and I go outside, too. I spend only a few minutes out there, but it wakes up my body and lets fresh air fill my lungs. Usually, it’s still dark outside, so I’m not getting the benefit of early daylight, but I’ll be back again later.

I feed the dogs, and then I make tea. To the tea, I add two tablespoons of a tonic I make using turmeric and apple cider vinegar. Tumeric is great for reducing inflammation. (Really wish it would work on my hip.)

I look over the notes I’ve made for the Live. I used to wait until morning to research for Live bible reflections. But, I’ve moved that time to the night before. This way, even if the night is rough, even if I am not sure I can face the camera without crying, the prep is done. I’m ready to share. I just have to show up. So, in the morning, I transfer the research notes to the margins of my bible and pray with the scripture.

Then I make a matcha latte. Coffee is not my friend. It makes me anxious and causes my throat to itch. Matcha has caffeine—not as much as coffee—and it has theanine, which mellows the jittery effect of caffeine, and promotes calm and focus. The ritual of making matcha is one I enjoy. I add some collagen protein to the matcha. I take my time and savor this drink. This is the one I drink.

I make my husband breakfast, and I carry it up to him. We have a few minutes to check in with each other and compare notes on the day to come.

I know I should exercise, but hips are pretty central to everything. I stretch everything I can and pray this part of the routine improves soon.

Then, I get dressed and face the day.

I used to walk to Mass, but now I usually drive. That hip thing. Hopefully, I’ll be walking again when the spring comes. There are so many lilacs along the way. It’s a wonderful walk!

After Mass, I go live on Instagram and share how good God is. I believe it to the core of my being, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to say it out loud. Take that, Satan!

If I am really dragging at midday, I’ll take a power nap. Only twenty minutes, with an alarm set. That seems to be the sweet spot for rejuvenating without sabotaging the night’s sleep. Frequent trips outside with puppies and frequent concerted efforts to smile and enjoy the company of the people the Lord has given me also help power the day.

What’s your best advice for saving the day after a sleepless night?

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