Bedrooms and Babies...

It was midnight dance of sorts, that four-times-a-night shuffle I learned to do eighteen years ago. Awakened by the cries of my firstborn, I'd stumble to the bathroom to wet a washcloth with warm water. I'd take it to the nursery and lift the baby from his crib. I'd pass the rocking chair on the way back to my bed. (It was too big for me, it turned out, and I never used it.) I'd nurse the baby on one side, change the diaper, nurse him to sleep on the other side and then carry him back to the crib. I'd dump the wet diaper and washcloth in the diaper pail and crawl back into bed for an hour and half of sleep before repeating the dance. If I lucked out. More often than not though, Michael wasn't too happy about the transfer back to the crib and I'd have to nurse him to sleep again sooner than later.

I was committed to attachment parenting; it was the logistics that weren't working. So, desperate for sleep, we tried some things. We wedged the fullsized crib into our tiny bedroom. He hated the crib. We took the side off the crib and anchored it to our bed. He still hated the crib. I slept in the crib with him next to our bed (I was much lighter then;-). He slept; I didn't. Finally, we ditched the crib and put him between us in the bed.

When our second baby was born, we didn't even put up the crib. By the fourth, we'd given it away. Over time, our nighttime parenting and our bedroom design and decorating have converged. Furnished entirely with gifts and hand-me-downs, no other room in our house speaks so much to our lifestyle as our master bedrooms does.
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Two summers ago, my aunt moved out of a large house and into a smaller one. She called to tell us that a van was coming to our area to bring some things from that house to a friend of hers. She said she had a few other things and asked if we would like them. Not sure at all what we were getting, we said we'd take whatever. Mike was out of town the day the truck pulled up and it was rather like reality TV to stand at the truck's door and make decorating decisions as previously unknown pieces were unloaded and carried into my house.

A massive desk ended up in the sitting area of our bedroom. I wasn't sure its purpose (and I still don't know), but there was no place else for it and I had vague plans for a desk all my own. It's so huge and was so hard to get upstairs, that whatever we do with it, it's going to stay right there.

A very comfortable armchair worked well in that space, too. The picture above it came off the truck and I knew immediately that I wanted it within sight of my bed. It is an Asian mother and two children. Before this baby was conceived, we were prayerfully discerning a Taiwanese adoption. When the picture arrived, I knew it would be a constant reminder to pray for Taiwanese women and babies upon awakening and before I went to sleep. Even though the adoption plans were set aside, the prayers continue.

The dresser for the new baby was rescued from Bobby's house before he left to play in England. It was falling apart and Michael rebuilt the back. It will serve nicely as both clothing storage and a changing table. The nightstand next to it is from a set my mother bought us when we were married. We moved it away from our bed to make room for baby's bed. Here it holds a stash of diapers and wraps.

And then there's the glider...I am so looking forward to having a rocking chair that's made for a petite person! My sister generously provided both glider and ottoman for the baby. She said that everyone assumes you have everything by the time you get to eight, but sometimes there something you never indulged in that will make this time extra-special. I am looking forward to spending time here. My girls have already filled the side pockets with their collection of First Little House books. And the little touch of pink, the piece that really says "Baby Girl," is the quilt, a gift from Donna Howey.

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The baby will sleep right next to me in a co-sleeper purchased by grandparents four years ago for Katie. My mother updated its cover and bought leg extensions so it would work against our new king-sized bed (yet another piece of furniture that came off that truck). I love my co-sleeper and the midnight dance is completely eliminated. A small table my mother found in Amish country sits at the foot of the co-sleeper with a basket of nighttime diapers and wipes and my CD player. No need to get out of bed at all--just reach over, nurse the baby and leave her sleeping in her bed. Diaper changes are bedside business too. There is something to be said for the lessons of experience! Maybe they'll compensate for the fact that I'm forty, have seven other children to care for, and much less energy than I did at 22.

The hope chest was an engagement gift from my father. It survived a flood in my mother's house before I was married and my father-in-law rebuilt the bottom. The baby's scrapbook sits upon it and I sincerely "hope" to work on it in a timely manner.

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Though most of our books are shelved in our library closet, each bedroom in the house has a bookcase for special books. Mine is no exception. I loved this bookcase in my parents' house growing up and I think it's perfect in this corner of my bedroom.

When the baby is about a year old, she'll move to the "Rose Princess" room.
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There, she'll find a dresser, rescued from my father's storage space and a closet festooned with flowers. The doors kept falling off, so I took them down and hung a curtain and some tulle.

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The desk was a hand-me-down we painted (and need to paint again). The bed belonged to the set in my room but belongs to the girls now, who love to sleep together under the canopy. And the bookcase? The bookcase I actually purchased because I just couldn't walk away from it.

I have no idea how the baby will fit into this room, but it's a decorating project that could make for some summertime fun--next year!

Living a Life of Loveliness

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Our many and varied discussions of ladylike loveliness have led to yet another conversation.  Dawn, Kim, Meredith and I have brainstormed a list of "lovely topics" for Loveliness Fairs throughout the year.  Below are the topics scheduled through December.  Stay tuned for next year's list.  Please take a look and see if there is a carnival you would like to host.  Email me (elizNOSPAMfoss@aol.com   take out the "no spam") to let me know.  And then start planning for your contribution to each of these fairs.
Living Lives of Loveliness
August 14, 2006 - The Loveliness of Elegant Simplicity in the Kitchen (Meredith will be  your hostess)
September 4, 2006 - The Loveliness of Elegant Simplicity in Learning Spaces (Helen will be your hostess)
September 11, 2006 - The Loveliness of Elegant Simplicity in the Bedroom (Kim will be your hostess)
September 18, 2006 - The Loveliness of Elegant Simplicity in the Living Room (Sarah will be your hostess)
October 2, 2006 - The Loveliness of Autumn (Michele will be your hostess)
October 16, 2006 - The Loveliness of Babies (Elizabeth will be your hostess)
October 30, 2006 - The Loveliness of Prayer (Leonie will be your hostess)
November 13, 2006 - The Loveliness of Homemade Gifts (Dawn will be your hostess)
November 20, 2006 - The Loveliness of of Thanksgiving (KC will be your hostess)
November 27, 2006 - The Loveliness of Advent (Jenn will be your hostess)
December 11, 2006 - The Loveliness of Preparation (Kathryn will be your hostess)
December 25, 2006 - The Loveliness of the Christmas Season
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Ladylike Reprise

There is an expanded column on Being Ladylike at Catholic Exchange today.  To recap here, I've talked about being a lady here and here. There is a lively discussion of modesty at the 4real Forums.Here's one on being modern and modest.  And there is one on combatting frumpiness (because ladylike modesty is NOT synonymous with frumpiness).  Helen reminds us that there is beauty in virtue. Kim gives some practical pointers for turning those denim pants into skirts. Mary Ellen Bork addresses feminity in her no-nonsense, eloquent style here. Rita Davidson offers a kit of resources on modesty in light of Church teaching .Colleen Hammond has written a book on Dressing with Dignity. Alice Von Hildebrand encourages women to escape a trap by imitating Mary's strength and humility.

Donna Marie initiated a conversation about ways our homes honor the Blessed Mother. We've discussed what it looks like to live in the Domestic Church, an idea that Thomas Howard fleshes out more completely in Splendor in the Ordinary.  And all that talking, and thinking, and cleaning, and re-organizing has led to a full-blown Carnival of Elegant Simplicity!

So, there you go!  Fix your morning tea, prop your feet up, and point and click and read up.  Then, you have a whole weekend to implement what you prayerfully discern God is asking with regards to feminity and loveliness!

What I did with my computer vacation...

On Monday evening, as we were eating dinner, we saw a huge bolt of lightning out our sunroom window.  With it, a simulataneous clap of thunder and...the ringing of a toy microwave and telephone??

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Yep.  Apparently, there was so much static in the air that it jolted the battery-operated toys in Katie's kitchen into action.  We thought it was pretty cool until it occurred to me that a jolt that could hit the play kitchen just might have hit the computer in the room above it.  Michael went up to check and he didn't come back down promptly.  I took that as a good sign--must have gotten distracted by his e-mail.  No...he was up there trying to get the computer to even turn on. Long story short, the computer was fried and so was the cable modem.  We fought with the cable company (who graciously said they'd be out August 30th) and Michael spent hours fetching, installing and troubleshooting a whole new system.  And here I am!

So what did I do with my computer vacation?  I remembered that Meredith had invited us to celebrate our kitchens and I turned my attention to making it something worth celebrating.I started by clearing the clutter off the refrigerator door.  I don't really like a lot of busyness there. I've got some magnets of liturgical art that I love (they were a gift from a friend) and some others that are tiny little miniatures of the art from my aunt's collection, hanging in the gallery that bears my uncle's name. These are paintings I want my children to recognize immediately as familiar friends.  That's about the extent of my "Fridgeschooling." I've also got a MomAgenda family calendar and a posting of the family rules and a current chore chart for this week.

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I had some art work up but, truthfully, there is not room for everybody's art at one time and it was always getting caught up in the doors. So, I looked around for an alternative.  My eyes lit upon a woebegone fabric sample hanging from the blinds in the sunroom (which is our eating space).  Hmmm...make drapes before the Carnival?  Nah, it's been 4 years since I hung that swatch; I don't want to rush things.  Instead, I taped artwork up to create a valance. Well, I didn't, but Michael and Christian did. Now, the children's art is beautifully displayed, safe from rips and tears and it adds a happy note to the kitchen! (All the photos are thumbnails--click to see it bigger.)

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The table in the sunroom happened a year or so ago.  The eating space in the kitchen proper is precisely in the middle of the house.  Our table is large and there are lots of chairs around it.  I felt like I was always bumping into it.  I also didn't really like looking at the prep mess while eating dinner.  So, we moved it into the sunroom.  While disscussing Simple Elegance, Molly mentioned angling a table.  I tried it and it's so much nicer that way! Before moving the table into the sunroom, that room was mostly a play space.  My children like to play close to me and I'm usually in the kitchen.  We've left the play kitchen and some baby doll accoutrements and in the corner are a wooden castle, some trolls, a basket of wooden train tracks and trains, and some Lincoln Logs.

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There is not an abundance of cabinet space in my kitchen, so we hung a pot rack above the center island.  I also use the high counter between the kitchen and sunroom to display and store stoneware serving pieces. My sink has a beautiful, wide view of the backyard and I frequently stand there watching family soccer games while cooking and cleaning up.

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My kitchen sits squarely in the middle of my house, a fact that rather irritates me sometimes because it's rarely as neat as it appears here.  But there is no denying that it's the heart of my home!

A Lady Lives Here--Our Lady Lives Here

It must be that nesting urge, combined with all those rosaries, but my thoughts these days are turning evermore to hearth and home and how we can live here with the gentleness and grace of Our Blessed Mother. Donna Marie has posted such an inspiring look at Elegant Simplicity. And, in true traditional style, we’ve talked about it at 4Real. But still, my mind is a whirl.  Where I am from, homes look perfect. But it’s been far too long a road back from the misery of perfectionism. I know that’s not what Our Lady wants for me and I know that’s not what the home of a lady is. Homes where ladies live are homes where the words of John Paul II are taken to heart by the homemaker who lives there:

By taking Mary into his own home, John showed her his filial affection...John's action was the execution of Jesus' testaments in regard to Mary.  But it had symbolic value for each one of Christ's disciples, who are asked to make room for Mary in their lives, to take her into their own homes.  By virtue of these words of the dying Christ, every Christian life must offer a space to Mary and provide for her presence.

Certainly a devotion to Mary is obvious in home where she lives.  Carefully chosen statues and images are nicely displayed there.  Alice is so good at welcoming Mary with style that rises above the cheesy, sanctimonious religious arts and crafts.  If something is truly precious, it needs to look that way. Collections, whether they are polished rocks or religious icons, should never be clutter. Instead, if it matters enough to be invited into our homes, it should be treated and displayed like it matters. A cluttered, disheveled home is much like an unkempt, disheveled woman—certainly not the look of a lady.What is truly important is not the statue or the icon or any of the "stuff" at all, but the palpable presence of Our Lady and the way it is infused in the atmosphere.

However, homes of true ladies are not magazine-perfect, nor so clean that they are sterile.  Instead, they are inviting.  Beauty is not a buff, polished, dyed, surgically-corrected woman in clothes that could finance an Indian family for a year. Beauty is the acceptance of the body created perfectly for the soul He infused in it. It’s good stewardship and care of that temple.  It’s attention to detail but not obsession and vanity. It’s being ladylike:  with gentleness and grace that are a style of their own. And so it is at home.

Sights and smells and even sounds of those ladylike homes welcome the weary to stay and be comforted.  Whether it’s a simple vase of flowers on a dreary January day or freshly squeezed lemonade in the heat of July, the home cheers its inhabitants while not being wearisome or ostentatious.  It’s not about the show; it’s about ministering to souls with gentle, thoughtful, grace.  And the homemaker who lives there calls frequently upon the Blessed Mother for the grace she needs to see to the all the details with calmness and composure.

The ladylike homemaker goes about her daily round with one purpose:  to live as God wants her to live. It does no good if her house shines from top to bottom and her drapes coordinate perfectly with the upholstery and she has hand-glazed all her walls if she has done it all to impress her neighbor and she has been less-than-gracious to her children in getting it that way. We want to be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect, not as the lady across the street is perfect.

So what does that mean for a house with seven children, a dog, a traveling husband and a baby on the way (which means a mom of limited mobility and energy)? To some degree, it means lower standards and higher goals. It means I can’t be on the phone the way I was yesterday morning--trying to talk, barking at my kids, and becoming increasingly frustrated with everybody’s imperfections (not to mention their lack of cleaning finesse). It means I need to take a deep breath and think about how I want our home to be when we welcome our baby. What’s really important?  Order? Yes. Beauty? Definitely.  Comfort?  Certainly.  Peace? Absolutely.  Perfection?  Only in God’s way, in God’s time.